I have been thinking about praise and self-promotion of late. It is the part of blogging I find most challenging. Originally, I envisioned my blog as simple, not particularly revelatory; shoes and nail art with stories interwoven. However, in my quest to monetize my musings I added too much about me. I need to get out of the picture. It’s not because I don’t like the way I look. There are other reasons.
Logistics. I can photograph my shoes and manicures myself. I like the challenge and restrictions that this requires. It reminds me of black and white photography.
Digital Citizenship. I want my son to live as much of his life “offline” as possible. I need to model this, so I tried to not work on my blog or post to instagram in front of him when he was younger.
Privacy. I never lived my whole life online, but even the amount that I did encroached on my family’s privacy. My now 10-year-old has a voice about what he is comfortable with online and I am listening.
I started the blog after working full time plus for the first five years of my 10-year-old’s life. I wanted to be present and make up for all the time I’d missed with my son but needed something to call my own. The full-time working days left me exhausted with little time for selfcare (other than blowouts and occasional workouts) or any type of balance. Work was mostly a physical place far away due to miles and traffic, but when I was with my son, I was very present. Of course, work crept into my life, but blogging is a lifestyle and ultimately one that did not work for me or my family, at least not in the way it had evolved.
While I was on my blog hiatus, I injured my foot and that sent me on an odyssey of healing that exhausted my patience. I could not wear cute shoes nor get my steps in for more than nine months. After my family and friends, walking and shoes are the loves of my life. Being separated from those loves was hard on me and everyone around me.
I’m healed. I am so much better that I entered the lottery for the New York Marathon. I have never run more than six miles in a day — and that was a few years ago… in college. It’s the 50th anniversary of the race. I felt like that would be the ultimate expression of my resilience and recovery. I have watched my husband cross the finish line a few times and I want to be the one to cross the finish line. Ultimately, I realize that it is more than I need right now and the risk of injury is too high. I pulled out of the lottery the day before.
Last weekend I celebrated my 200th ride with Peloton. We got the bike right before I was put in a boot due to a secondary injury to the same foot. My doctor said I could ride the bike low impact (no standing) as long as I went from the boot to the bike shoes. My 200th ride was not my highest output, I did not break a personal record, but I did a live ride with a smile on my face. When I joined the live ride I saw a friend and former boss on the leaderboard. My lesson was to not compete (not that I had any chance, I must take a look at his regime) but to enjoy, watch my heart rate and finish the ride. While I was riding my husband came in with a sign similar to the one Peloton makes for you if ride in a showroom (I celebrated my 100th ride with a ride in a showroom complete with balloons and a welcome to the Century Club).
I am back on the blog page, back on the bike and perhaps most importantly back in Tamara Mellon and Jimmy Choo (flats only… for now). If you watch my stories on instagram you will see they have replaced the sneakers that were my constant companion for the last year.
Here’s to getting back on the bike, the page and in the shoes.
XO,
JAE
the navy leopard 